I Know Better Now
by CommanderLavellan
Summary: News of The Inquisitions victory reached Surana's ears when she arrived in Orlais. Leliana sent an invitation to Surana, a banquet celebrating their victory. She informed Surana that Zevran, Morrigan and Alistair would be attending. How could Surana say 'no' when she hadn't seen her friends in almost a decade?
1. Chapter 1

Surana stretched her hands over her head, a loud yawn escaping her lips as she followed the mountain path up to Skyhold. Leliana had tracked her down while in the Anderfels, stating Corypheus was no longer a threat and that she had _invited _all of their original companions to attend the banquet celebrating their victory. Surana had sent the crow back with a letter of her own, confirming she would come but told Leliana not to send detainers after her, like she had with Zevran. She hadn't know Morrigan and Leliana were working together, she was relieved that they hadn't killed each other. Leliana spoke of how Morrigan had changed, how Kieran had changed her. Surana wondered if Leliana and Morrigan had switched minds, Leliana had changed so much in ten years. Too much.

_I wonder if I can convince her to tell me a story again._

Leliana also spoke of her new friends. Solas was one she was curious, and cautious, about. She told Surana how Inquisitor Lavellan was heart broken that he had left suddenly. She knew if anyone could find this _Solas_, it would be Leliana. Hell, she tracked Surana down – multiple times. She spoke of Varric and Dorian, Bull and Cassandra, Vivienne and Blackwall, Sera and Cole, Josephine and...Cullen. Surana hadn't realized Cullen was the Inquisitions Commander. She silently hoped it was a different Cullen, begging to the Maker _and _the bloody Creators that it was a different Cullen.

But she knew better. It was _The_ Cullen. The Templar she had specifically kept away from since the attack on The Ferelden Circle years ago. The Templar that admitted his infatuation with the mage. The Templar that had broken her heart with four words.

**I know better now.**

"I can't believe I agreed to this." Surana sighed, kicking a pebble that laid on the pavement into the snow.

"Why the long face, my friend?" Zevran walked up behind Surana, startling the Warden half to death.

"You still feel the need to do that even after all these years?" Surana practically yelled, clutching onto her chest. Zevran held in his laughter, a smile taking it's place on his lips and he hooked arms with Surana.

"Come," Zevran lead her up the trail, "Leliana told me I wasn't allowed back inside Skyhold until I found you."

"Ugh," Surana groaned, pushing some hair out of her face, "Can't you just say I died?"

"I would need to bring a body back for proof." Zevran smirked, pulling out a dagger from his belt and twirling it around his finger.

"Stop." Surana pushed him away, a playful smile, "You creep me out when you get all _assassiny _on me."

"You are still squeamish when it comes to knives?" Zevran raised an eyebrow, sheathing the knife back in his belt.

"Yes." Surana nodded, adjusting the pack on her back, "I would like to stay that way. Mages who like knives..."

Surana looked down, kicking another pebble, as they neared Skyhold's bridge. Zevran frowned, "You aren't like those mages, my friend. You need to stop comparing yourself to them."

"I can turn into one of _those _mages, Zev." Surana looked up at Skyhold as they stood on the bridge, "But I don't want to think about that right now. At this moment, I just want a drink."

Zevran laughed and grabbed Surana's hand, "You've come to the right place! The tavern has the best drinks, plus this _Iron Bull _character. Did you know the Qunari have this drink that can make you lose your voice for six straight hours?"

* * *

Surana walked up to the top of the stairs of the rotunda, seeing Leliana placing one of her crows back in her cage. Surana cleared her throat, setting her pack down against the wall. Leliana turned her head, a warm smile on her face as she saw Surana.

"Surana! My, it's been to long!" Leliana and Surana hugged, Surana refusing to let go.

"It's been too long. Jeez...almost ten years." Surana let go of Leliana, wiping away a tear. "Sorry. Memories tend to flood back during moments like these."

Leliana laughed and hugged Surana again, "Come! I must show you around!"

"O-Oh!" Surana averted her eyes as Leliana grabbed her hand, "Ze-Zevran already showed me around! Yeah. The tavern is...amazing. I'm most likely just going to stay in there the entire time."

Leliana rolled her eyes, pulling Surana down the stairs, "Have you met Lavellan's companions?"

"Y-Yes! I met Bull and...and Dorian and Varric – Who I _gushed_ over. I didn't know you meant Varric _Tethras_! I love his books!" Surana, unwillingly, followed Leliana.

"Have you met the Inquisitor yet?" Leliana looked back at Surana as they walked down the last flight of stairs.

"No, she was meeting with-" Surana missed a step, quickly catching herself before Cullen could see her.

"Leliana, I heard the Warden has arrived." Cullen walked into the rotunda from the other side, looking down at a letter. Leliana hummed in confirmation, walking towards him.

"Yes, she is...was right behind me." Leliana furrowed her brows and shook her head, "Sorry, Commander. She must have left to relax. It was a long trip from The Anderfels. Did you wish to speak with her?"

"O-Oh. No...I was just—confirming that she had arrived." Cullen cleared his throat, "I just received word that King Alistair will arrive on time."

Cullen handed the letter to Leliana, whose smile only grew, "Great! I can't wait to see everyone together again! If only the others were able to attend. Hmm, maybe next time. Thank you, Commander."

Cullen nodded, leaving out the door to the main hall. Surana had hid behind the wall, not even peaking for fear of being caught. Leliana walked back into the stairs hallway and smirked.

"You still love him."

"I don't love him." Surana hissed, quickly regaining her composure and brushing off her Warden Mage Robes. She glared at Leliana as she stifled in a giggle. Surana pushed past Leliana and started towards the door Cullen walked out of, "I'll prove it."

Surana pushed the door open, hearing a crack and than seeing Cullen stagger back, holding his nose.

"Maker!" Cullen cursed, loudly, clutching onto his nose.

"Cullen!" Surana froze, "Oh, Maker! I'm sorry!"

Varric sat in his chair next to the fireplace, chuckling, "Smooth, Warden!" Surana glared at Varric and moved next to Cullen, "Let me look at it."

"No-" Cullen placed a hand on Surana's shoulder, keeping her at arms length, "I am fine." Cullen quickly let go of her shoulder and walked out of the main hall, cursing under his breath while pulling out a piece of cloth from his pocket. Leliana smirked, appearing behind Surana who was dumbfounded and blushing madly.

"He..." Surana looked down at her hands.

"Surana?" Leliana moved in front of her friend.

"He pushed me away." Surana frowned, clenching her fists.

"N-No! He was in shock – you just broke his nose, Surana!" Leliana placed a hand on her shoulder, a reassuring smile, "I promise. He is just in shock."

* * *

"Commander?" Lavellan walked into Cullen's office, shutting the door behind her. She heard some shuffling from the loft above before a loud curse.

"Cullen?" Lavellan furrowed her brows, heading to the ladder, "I'm coming up – whether or not your _decent_."

Cullen was sitting on the bed when Lavellan stepped off the ladder, his head leaned back and a handkerchief stuffed into his nostrils. Lavellan placed a hand over her mouth, hiding her smile, "What happened?"

"I rather not speak of it." Cullen hissed, adjusting the handkerchief.

"You know Surana arrived, yes?" Lavellan moved behind Cullen, kneeling on the bed, "Let me look at that."

Cullen leaned his head against her chest, pulling out the handkerchief to let her heal his nose.

"Yes." Cullen grunted, "How do you think I got this?"

Lavellan laughed, poking the tip of Cullen's nose to see how he would react. He cringed but didn't scream. Good sign.

"She did this to you? Oh, I can't _wait_ to met her. She did an amazing job. She didn't reposition it but this is going to hurt for weeks." Lavellan quickly healed the nose, pushing him away, "Are you going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Cullen pushed himself off the bed, moving over to the vanity to clean off the blood. He picked up a cloth that laid next to the bowl of water and started cleaning himself off.

"How she is a _lovely _woman." Lavellan laid, stomach down, on the bed. She smirked at Cullen, who saw it through the mirror. "How you want to see said _lovely _woman...**naked**."

"Oh, Maker Lavellan." Cullen hissed, glaring at her through the mirror, "Must you do this now?"

"After she leaves Skyhold, you might never get this chance again." Lavellan moved off the bed and walked up to Cullen, "You said you wanted to apologize. Go apologize."

"I-I will, just...not today." Cullen's lips thinned, looking down at the bloody cloth.

"You can't avoid her forever, Cullen." Lavellan placed a hand on Cullen's shoulder, "If you don't talk to her by the banquet tomorrow night, I'm taking matters into my own hands."

"Please, _don't_." Cullen chuckled, looking at Lavellan. She smiled and poked his forehead, "I will. You are like a brother to me, Cullen. I need to see you happy."

"I am happy." He furrowed his brows, looking down at her confused.

"Uh-huh." Lavellan rolled her eyes and headed for the ladder, "Tell her, Cullen! Or I will do something drastic!"

* * *

"Did you really break his nose?" Alistair stared, shocked, at Surana. Alistair, Leliana, Zevran and Surana sat at the bar in the tavern. Bull had been thrown out on account of trying to get the Warden shit-faced.

"I di'it on accident!" Surana defended herself, face flushed from whatever Bull had been handing her to drink, "I didn't_ know_ he was walking back through the fucking door!"

"You should have seen his face, Alistair. Priceless." Leliana laughed, sipping at her wine.

"Have you seen him since?" Zevran asked, bringing a bottle newly opening bottle of wine to his lips.

"N-No! Oh Maker! I can never show my face to him again! Z-Zevran! I give you permission to kill me, Maker, _please_ kill me, Zevran!" Surana cried, letting her head fall onto the bar with a loud bang.

Zevran pouted, "I always wondered what it would be like when she cried out the Makers name. I am, honestly, a little disappointed."

"She's drunk, Zev. I'm sure she sounds better when she's sober." Alistair nudged him, the men laughing as Leliana told them to be nice.

"Like you should talk, Alistair. You do remember the night before the camp was attacked by shrieks, hmm?" Leliana smirked and raised her glass of wine towards Alistair.

"I—I don't, no." Alistair rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes to his mug. Leliana and Zevran laughed, Surana adding a few giggles of her own remembering that night.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Morrigan walked into the tavern, an amused look on her face, "You've already started drinking without me."

"Morrigan!" Surana quickly stood up, running over to Morrigan and hugging her. "You're alive!"

"Yes," Morrigan pursed her lips, her arms laying limp at her sides, "I see you still want hugs."

"Morrigan," Surana looked up at her friend and pouted, "I broke Cullen's nose."

"Ah," Morrigan nodded, patting Surana on the head, "I see. 'Tis explaining why the Commander was walking around with his nose hidden behind a scroll."

"Did he look okay?" Surana took a step back, letting go of Morrigan.

"He looked scared, honestly." Morrigan walked with Surana back to the bar, "Like something _else_ was about to happen to his face."

"Ugh!" Surana sank down on the stool, covered her head with her arms, "He thinks I'm going to attack him."

"It was by accident, yes?" Morrigan placed a hand on Alistair and Zevran's shoulder, acknowledging them.

"Maybe," Alistair smirked, "It seems she still has a crush on the poor bastard."

"H-Hey!" Surana stood up, her stool falling onto the ground behind her. "He isn't a bastard…!" They all smirked at her, waiting for her to realize she didn't deny the crush.

"And I don't have a crush on him!" Surana huffed, tripping over the stool, and quickly scurrying out the tavern.


	2. Chapter 2

Surana stared at herself in the full body mirror in her room. The Banquet would soon begin, much to her dismay. She hadn't seen almost anyone all day. She had breakfast with Leliana and Lavellan in the garden. Zevran and Alistair joined her once Lavellan left to finish a few things before she needed to get ready for the banquet. After that, she spent most of the day in the Undercroft, adding the Grey Warden Insignia to her outfit. She forgot how much she hated sewing and dreaded that she declined learning from Wynn when they were still traveling together. She imagined Wynn standing above her and telling her to be careful not to prick yourself or don't put your face so close to the cloth while you're sewing. She swore Dagna was giggling that she kept sticking her tongue out in concentration.

She could hear, even from her room above the garden, the clinking of glasses, plates and utensils being set out and the yelling from the cook about where to put the food. She stared down at herself, hoping, the she wasn't wearing anything too outlandish. Ever since being recruited, she's worn the Grey Warden uniform proud. Even when she wasn't in uniform, she wore the colors. She doesn't remember what she looked like in her mage robes back in the circle, nor did she care. The new colors complimented her. She loved the outfit and was glad she bought it before arriving at Skyhold. Leliana had showed her the outfits they had at Skyhold and none of them were what she had in mind. She did take some jewelry Leliana had chosen for the evening, getting last pick after the Inquisitor.

She wore a long blue dark velvet skirt that rested low on her hips, two slits starting from the top of her thigh cut through the skirt in front of each leg. The skirt skimmed the ground when she leaned or walked a certain way. A gray belt wrapped around her lower waist a couple times before being tied, only half a foot from touching the ground. Royal blue vines patterned her grey corset, an armored silver harness attached to her left shoulder, chains attaching the next pieces that was bound around her elbow. A white bracer around her wrist had a sky blue Grey Warden insignia sewed against it, the same vines that pattered her corset danced around the insignia. A circlet headdress laid on her forehead, a cobalt blue gem hanging from a small chain. The circlet moved under her long wavy white tresses. Her right arm laid bare, vulnerable, which felt odd to Surana. She hadn't been out of her uniform in over five years. She moved back to the bed, picking up the cloak Leliana had secretly had made for her. The cloak was a royal blue but has wear and tear, just how Surana liked cloaks. Dull silver trimmed around the openings, a shinning silver clip to hold it together. Surana smiled and pulled it on, clipping it before leaving her room.

In the main hall she met with Varric and Zevran, who had met each other prior to Zevran's arrival at Skyhold. Surana knew The Crows were still after Zevran during the time she had starting looking for new of The Calling, she hadn't known that he went to the Free Marches to get away or that he met Hawke and saw Isabela again.

"Yes," Zevran nodded, a perverted smile forming on his lips as he remember seeing Isabela again, "She has not changed, other than now actually loving someone, that is."

"How is Isabela doing?" Surana asked, looking down at Varric.

"She's doing great, Hawke has really changed her. She said she would be coming tonight with Hawke and a couple other friends. They should have been here already." Varric shrugged, pouring more ale for himself.

"I still haven't met Hawke." Surana sighed, "That will need to change. I hope she makes it tonight."

"I'm sure she will." Varric smiled, "She could never pass up a good party."

* * *

Hawke, in fact, did arrive right before the banquet officially began. Decked out in her Champion Mage Mantle, her weapon placed proudly on her back and a look of sheer pleasure plastered on her face when she saw Varric again. Isabela did arrive as well, mumbling about drinking until she puked. Two other companions came as well. An elf, who she heard a lot of the past couple months for killing slavers, Fenris. He was near the Anderfels when Surana received the letter from Leliana about Corypheus and any idea's on how to defeat him. And Anders, the mage who was once so bright, one she vouched for, who took a spirit in and blew up the Kirkwall Chantry. Surana never would never say it aloud but she agreed with Anders actions. Kirkwall was a lost cause, she stayed in Hightown for a month before she found out Cullen served the Templar's there. She scurried out of Kirkwall as quickly as possible. She did see him, a couple times. He never saw her. She saw how tired he looked, constantly. He looked annoyed and irritated, malnourished and sick. Seeing him yesterday, though covered in his own blood, she saw how much better he looked. Leliana told her about how Cullen had stopped taking lyrium and how other ex-templar's that had joined the Inquisition were following in his foot steps.

She was happy to hear that. She was happy Cullen was able to break away from that life. Leliana told her of his struggle, how he almost went back to taking it but Lavellan had convinced him that he was more, deserved more. Surana reminded herself to find Lavellan during the banquet later and thank her for that. Surana had wandered away from her friends and new acquaintances, heading to a table that had glasses of champagne.

"Here," Alistair came up next to her before she retrieved a glass, holding one for her, "I've been looking for you."

"You found me." Surana thanked him and took the glass, sipping at the champagne. Surana moved around the table, leaning her back against a wooden pillar. Alistair silently followed her, standing next to her as they drank.

"How are you liking the banquet?" Surana smiled, tilting her head up to look at Alistair.

"Oh, you know," Alistair shrugged, his face scrounging up in disdain, "_Politics_. I think a Bann even asked me to marry his daughter. Leliana pulled me away before I could even come up with a nice way to say no."

"Is there a nice way to say no?" Surana raised an eyebrow, wondering.

"No." Alistair chuckled, Surana soon following with a small giggle. "You look beautiful, by the way. Warden colors and such. You do them good."

"Who? The Wardens or the clothes?" Surana sipped at her champagne, turning her head to look at the crowd. Music had started playing a couple hours ago, not music she liked but she was happy to see people dancing.

"Both." Alistair shrugged, drinking the last of his champagne, "I need more. Have you see Bull? I wanted to see if I can try that stuff he gave you last night."

"Maraas-Lok." Surana motioned towards the stairs, "I think he was in the main hall with Varric, Sera and Dorian. Don't drink too much though. My head is still spinning from last night."

Alistair bowed his head, "I will see you later then."

Surana didn't realized someone else had taken Alistair's place a couple minutes after his depart. Cullen stood, his face flushed and showed worry, next to Surana. He wore his usual attire, what Surana assumed was his usual attire. She'd never seen him out of his templar uniform. She hid her blush behind her glass. Cullen looked amazing, she was happy he wasn't wearing Templar armor. It brought back too many memories. More good then bad, for her at least. Cullen started speaking, Surana entranced by the new scar he had on his upper lip. She hadn't seen that yesterday. It would have been hard to since he was covering the lower part of his face. His nose was swollen on one side, a dark bruise covered it. She should apologize..._again_.

"You've—um..." Cullen cleared his throat into his fist, Surana closed her mouth, "You've...um—_grown__._" Cullen inwardly cursed, averting his eyes away from Surana's saddened and confused eyes. Surana looked down at her champagne and lighting tapped her nails against the glass, "Yes, well, it has been almost a decade since we last saw each other."

Cullen nodded, gripping the pommel of his sword tightly, "It has been too long." Surana nodded, sipping at her champagne. The party around them was boring, at least to Surana. No one had offered her to dance, she assumed because of how menacing she choose to look tonight. Who wears armor and a cloak to a banquet? It wasn't like she was the only one. Cullen was wearing some armor and he had women gazing lustfully at him right now. No one brought her a drink, well, besides Alistair. None of the servants even offered her a finger sandwich. Surana opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it and chewed on her lip. She wasn't good at small talk. What would even be a good conversation starter?

_How are you? Oh, that's great. Me? I'm fi—Oh, you have a girlfriend...and you're engaged...and expecting a child! Wow! Well, I'm just going to go over there and wallow in my misery. _

Surana leaned her cheek against the half empty champagne glass, still chewing on her lip to think of a way to end the silence. She'd rather take fighting darkspawn again than feeling this helpless. She had come to terms with never seeing or hearing from Cullen again, even after Kirkwall when she wanted to reach out to him. She came to terms, even before she was officially a Grey Warden, that all that would happen between them was shameless flirting, on her part, and lust filled gazes. She looked at Cullen from the corner of her eye. He was shifting from foot to foot, barely noticeable from someone wasn't standing next to him. His eyes were focused on the ground, his lips moving a little – a conversation in his head? She watched his scar and started to wonder how he even gotten it. A Harrowing gone wrong? An abomination attack? Had he gotten that scar while in Kirkwall?

"The scar." Surana spoke, turning towards Cullen, "How'd you get it?"

Cullen looked at Surana, a finger trailing over his scar as a smile formed on his lips, "Kirkwall. I assume you know by now I was stationed there?"

Surana nodded, "Yes, I had heard. "

"During clean up after Anders blew up The Chantry, a few rogue templars attacked me, unhappy with my decision to support Hawke and defy Meredith." Cullen shrugged, "They weren't really good at fighting. There were five of them and they only got one hit in."

Surana covered her mouth, giggling, "Only _one_ hit?"

"Only one." Cullen smiled.

Surana to tilt her head, leaning in a little to examine the scar, "I was worried when I heard about everything happening in Kirkwall. I...was worried about you."

Cullen turned his head away, rubbing the back of his head, "Surana...I wanted..._needed_ to speak with you." Cullen averted his eyes, feeling his face heat up as Surana moved closer to him.

"Yes, Cullen?" She ducked her head into his line of sight, catching his gaze with her own, waiting for a reply.

"The last time we spoke...I wasn't in the right state of mind." Cullen struggled with his words as he spoke, skipping a word than going back realizing a skipped a word. He spoke for five minutes, much to Surana's amusment, until he finally got to his point, "I am sorry, Surana. I said things I should not have said."

"Cullen—"

"And," Cullen moved to her and looked down at her, hesitantly placing a hand on her shoulder, "You aren't like those mages. You never were...you will never be."

Surana looked at his hand on her shoulder, her expression unreadable, "Thank you, Cullen."

Cullen looked at Surana, confused, "Is something wrong?"

"Hm?" Surana blinked a few times, lightly shaking her head, "N-No. I just thought I would never hear that—those words. I...You have no idea how much it means to hear that."

Cullen smiled, pulling his hand away to rest back on the pommel of his sword, "I never thought I would be able to tell you, truthfully."

"I'm happy you did." Surana nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. "I—I want you to know, I forgave you. A long time ago. I know you didn't mean what you said—well, no, you meant it at that time but not...afterwards...The point is, I forgave you." Surana nodded to herself, averting her eyes back to the party. They stood in silence, again. She could tell Cullen had relaxed after he apologized, thankful that she couldn't hear his leather gloves tightening with the pressure of holding the pommel. She moved her head, staring at his hands. She realized that even after ten years, all she's ever seen was his face. She marveled at how much he's changed in 10 years. He was attractive then, the best looking templar she's ever come across, even 10 years later she agrees with that fact. She heard him clear his throat, pulling her back to the real world, she looked up at him sheepishly.

"After ten years," Surana looked back down at his hands, "I still only know what your face looks like."

"What?" Cullen was taken back by her comment, but realized it was true. "Do you want to see..._other_ parts?"

Surana smirked, hearing his voice crack. She shook her head, hiding her smile behind her champagne glass, "Ten years later and your voice still cracks. Are you going to run away if I ask you to speak in private with me, _Commander_?"

Cullen didn't reply, just looked around the party, looking for prying eyes. Surana counted that as a yes before Cullen appeared behind her and whispered in her ear.

"I am no longer interested in speaking, _Warden_. Find me when you want to put your tongue to..._other_ uses."

He was gone in a flash, a satisfied smirk on his lips as he watch Surana still trying to process what just happened when he walked to the top of the stairs leading to the tavern.

_Never thought I'd see the day wher__e he'd __be the shameless flirt and I'd be the one wanting to run awa__y like a blushing bride._

Surana turned her head towards the champagne table, setting her glass down before grabbing another and heading up the stairs towards the main hall. She needed to find Zevran, or Alistair...maybe Leliana?


	3. Chapter 3

Surana sat in a chair in one of the many vacant tables near the barn. She was unable to find the companions she needed to speak to. Alistair sent her one way, Anders sent her another. She decided to give up and just enjoy the banquet. The music still played, music a little more with a tempo and no lyrics. Nobles still danced, Orlesians were gossiping, and she has still not been offered a _fucking finger sandwich_. Was there something wrong with her? Was she completely invisible tonight? Why the hell didn't any of the servants even look at her. She glared at a servant as he walked by. He was completely unfazed, only arched a brow and walked away. Surana sighed, mumbling inaudible curses under her breath.

"Here." Cullen set a tray down, full of mini-sandwiches and a dozen strawberries, the stems already cut off, and an open bottle of champagne with two glasses. She arched an eyebrow at Cullen as he took a set next to her, pouring the champagne. She eyed the glass as Cullen held it out to her.

"I thought I was supposed to find you?" Surana took the glass and brought it to her lips.

"I got tired of waiting." He picked up a strawberry, examining it. Surana hid her smirk, "Uh-huh. You _do_ realize it hasn't even been an hour?"

"I'm an impatient man." Cullen popped the strawberry in his mouth. Surana stared at him, her head slightly tilting as she tried to get a better view of his face. Cullen has changed. She could lie that she wasn't impressed, a small part of her relieved that he was no longer going to run away. Surana leaned back on the chair, crossing one leg over the other. She saw Cullen shift his view away from the party, looking down at her legs that stuck out through one of the slits from her skirt.

"You're very patient for an impatient man."

"Only because I respect you." Cullen picked up another strawberry, taking a bite out of it.

"Ah," Surana took another sip of champagne, "And if you didn't respect me?"

"I wouldn't have brought you sandwiches." Cullen popped the rest of the strawberry in his mouth. Surana's heart skipped a beat, unable to control the blush that started to bloom across her cheeks. Is this what people did when they cared? She knew what Cullen mean when he said he respected her. He did respect her, just as she respected him—but she also loved him. Maybe that was his own way os saying it too? She stared at Cullen as he continued eating the strawberries. By time Cullen finished his last strawberry the sandwiches were still untouched.

"Well, if you aren't going to eat them—" Cullen reached for one, his hand quickly being swatted away as Surana pulled the tray towards herself.

"_Mine_." She smirked, picking up the tray in one hand and throwing a finger sandwich in her mouth. Cullen chuckled, leaning back against his chair and drinking more champagne.

"Mmmm." Surana moaned, smiling as she savored the flavor of the cheese, meats and sauces, "These are almost as good as Irving's."

"Irving made sandwiches?"

"Yeah," Surana smiled and held the tray out to Cullen, "When I first arrived at the circle I was in bad condition. The templar's weren't exactly..._nice _while bringing me to the Circle. I was only five, I guess they didn't understand how to control a child who was just torn away from her parents and life." Cullen frowned, taking a sandwich off the tray and nibbling on it. Surana placed the tray on the table and picked up another sandwich.

"It was almost midnight when I arrived at the Circle. Irving healed my wounds and took me to the kitchen. The cooks had cleaned out most of the food but there was still some bread, meat and cheese in the freezer. He spoke with me as he defrosted the ham, trying to calm me down. I didn't understand what was going on...I was crying, uncontrollably. Sobbing about how magic has took away my life and forever stained me. Being an elf was hard enough but a mage as well? I was scared. I've heard many stories about the Circle—most were templar's who took advantage of the mages. After the templar's that detained me, I started to believe all those stories were true." Surana smiled brightly, remembering the memories, "He did a couple tricks with his magic, showing me the beauty it possesses. He made a snowflake and taught me how to make one in his own hand. It was the first spell he learned when he went to the Circle. He explained what the Circle was, how it protected us mages. He took me under his wing, taught me everything I needed to know. Not long after I was able to control my magic and keep the demons away, a new templar had arrived at the Circle."

Surana smirked at Cullen, taking another sandwich and popping it in her mouth.

"I'm assuming you mean me?" Cullen leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and intertwining his fingers together.

"Oh, no. It was another templar, never got his name. But—he did have a very nice ass." Surana picked up her glass, sipping champagne to hid her smirk as Cullen went over his head which templar's arrived before him. She covered her mouth, trying not to laugh as she saw Cullen start naming templar's.

"Cullen, I'm kidding." Surana laughed, placing a hand on his arm. "I was fifteen when you became a templar at the Circle. I didn't even start flirting with you until a year later."

"You didn't flirt with any other templar's...did you?" Cullen asked, picking up his glass again.

"No." Surana shook her head, "There was no need to flirt with the others. I had you."

"Me running away was enough to sustain you?" Cullen arched a brow.

"I liked you, Cullen."

"_Liked_?"

"Back then...yes." Surana smiled, sipping at her champagne again.

"And now?" He tilted his head, grabbing another sandwich.

"Well, right now I love you for bringing me these sandwiches. I've been trying to get some since the start of this damned banquet." Surana joked, picking the sandwich out of Cullen's hands and popping it in her mouth.

"That wasn't nice." Cullen pouted. Surana blushed, she'd never seen Cullen pout before. She'd never seen him do a lot of what he has done tonight before. Surana picked up a sandwich, "Open your mouth."

Cullen obliged, eating the sandwich when Surana presented it to him. Her fingertips lightly grazed his scar, seeing it crinkle when he smiled at her. She couldn't lie that the scar only made her more attracted to him, if that was even possible. She wondered what it felt like to kiss his lips. They looked soft, plump but his scar and stubble would add roughness to the kiss. She imaged Cullen pressing her against a wall, ravishing her with kissed on her neck and—Surana picked up another sandwich, stuffing it in her mouth. She had to get her mind off of Cullen before she jumped him.

"D—Do you know, by any chance, what happened to Irving when the rebellion started?"

Cullen looked down, shaking his head, "No...but I'm sure Leliana could find him for you."

Surana nodded, "I should ask her." They sat in comfortable silence. Sharing a few glances and eating the rest of the sandwiches. One sandwich remained, Surana and Cullen both about to fight for it.

"You brought the sandwiches for me." Surana leaned forward towards Cullen, moving her hand to lay next to the tray. Cullen, about to protest, was interrupted by Leliana. Seeing Cullen distracted Surana quickly shoved the sandwich in her mouth, looking away when Cullen glared at her. Leliana had brought them another tray, more strawberries with whipped cream in a small bowl next to them.

"Lavellan asked me to bring this to you. I told her you would have preferred the sandwiches but she _insisted _it be this." Leliana eyed Cullen quickly before casually leaving.

"What was that about?" Surana muttered, shaking her head. She looked down at the new tray, she was never a big fan of strawberries, but it came with whipped cream. She remembered the brief conversation she had with Alistair while fighting the Blight. Warden-y changes, waking up in the middle of the night and feeling like you hadn't eaten in days. She hadn't gotten that way until the past couple of years even though Alistair always told her that she's been that way since he knew her. She wondered if that was just a habit of hers, did she eat like that while in the Circle? Did Cullen see her eat that way before? She looked at Cullen, who had already taken a strawberry covered in whipped cream into his mouth. Surana chuckled, picking up one for herself and swirling it in the whipped cream. Cullen watched Surana chew on the strawberry. She was unaware that some of the whipped cream had stayed on the corner of her lips as she swallowed. Surana arched an eyebrow once she realized Cullen was staring at her.

"What?"

Cullen wrapped his fingers around her neck, bringing her face closer to him.

"You have whipped cream on your lips," he murmured breathlessly against her lips. He placed a hand on her waist, his other still comfortably resting on her neck as he tugged her out of her chair and settled her onto his lap. She could feel the back of her neck heating with embarrassment, the tips of her ears turning a light shade of red.

Surana stuttered. "Cu—Cullen—"

Cullen parted his lips and darted his tongue out, sliding it up the crease of Surana's bottom lip. He gently caught the plump pink lip in his mouth, nibbling gently, lapping up the sugary, creamy confection, before entering her mouth. Surana gave a raspy, heat filled sigh, pushing slightly harder with her lips. She momentarily lost herself in his kiss, enjoying the way his teeth nibbled playfully at her bottom lip and how his tongue stroked her rhythmically. It took all of her might to break the kiss with Cullen, her eyes still closed. Cullen watched Surana as she try to control herself. Her expression was one of pleasure, her lips still slightly apart. Her face was flaring red, noticeable from even across Skyhold.

"I—I...um..." Surana bit her lip, opening her eyes to stare at Cullen's lips. She saw Cullen's lip quirk upward, knew his eyes were dancing with joy for finally getting payback from all the years she tortured him with her flirting. She pushed herself up, clearing her throat and quickly straightening her skirt, "I will see you after the banquet...Commander."

She fled, hearing Cullen chuckle as she ran, just as he did all those years ago.

"Now I understand why it's so enjoyable," Cullen leaned back in the chair, a smug smirk, "I need to do that more often."

"That was cruel." Hawke spoke, walking up behind him, holding Isabela's hand. She and Isabela sat together next to Cullen, smirking.

"Hawke, Isabela," Cullen nodded to them, "I hadn't realized you'd arrived."

Isabela continued smirking, "Yes, a couple hours ago. Hope we weren't interrupting your basking of making Surana all hot and bothered."

Cullen chuckled, "I'll bask more later."

"On top of her _ravishing_ body?" Hawke asked, chuckled as Cullen's demeanor quickly changed back to the blushing bride.

"Maker, Hawke..._why_?" Cullen hoarsely spoke, letting his head fall back. He didn't want to think about that right now, mostly because of how public this area has suddenly become. Hawke laughed, grabbing a strawberry, quickly mixing it in with the whipped cream and eating.

"Oh, _yes_. Maker, I'd kiss this off her lips any day."

"Let me taste," Isabela quickly pulled Hawke in for a kiss. The kiss didn't get far, hearing Cullen's chair fall back against the ground as he scurried away made the girls laugh.

"I think I just lost the bet." Isabela sighed, "I owe Zev ten sovereigns now." Isabela pouted, placed her hand back on Hawke's thigh and stared up at her, "Hawke, please—"

"No." Hawke grabbed another strawberry and ate it, without the whipped cream.

"Dammit." Isabela huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back against her chair, sulking. Hawke smirked and kissed Isabela's cheek, "I'll make a bet. _Twenty_ sovereigns that you can't beat Fenris, Anders, Varric and I in a game of Strip Wicked Grace."

Isabela smiled, grabbing onto Hawke's hand, "Let's go find the poor bastards!"

* * *

Surana had recovered from her sudden shyness some time between running away from Cullen in embarrassment and being harassed by Zevran asking how the kiss was. She berated him for spying on a private moment, which he quickly reciprocated with that it was not in private, many Orlesians had been watching and gossip has already starting among the nobles. Surana forgot how open the space was where they kissed...How would she describe the kiss? She wouldn't know where to start when describing Cullen's kiss. More than she ever hoped for? More satisfying than her own fantasies of him?

"It was...perfect." Surana shrugged, a smile on her face.

"Ugh," Zevran shook his head, crossing his arms, "I didn't wait almost a decade to hear the word 'perfect.' Come on! No juicy details? Did he make your knees tremble, your womanhood quiver—"

"What the _hell_, Zevran?" Surana looked, slightly disgusted, at her friend. She knew Zevran was a pervert, he made that perfectly clear from all the years they've spent together. But she's never heard him speak like that, at least towards her.

"What?" He looked at her, confused, "'Tis a good question, yes?" Surana shook her head, standing up from the chair and leaving Zevran alone in the main hall.

Surana decided to put her cloak back in her room, heading up the stair and to the rooms above the garden. She opened the door leading to her room, shutting it behind her and placing the cloak on the bed. She bed looked very inviting, warm, soft, cushiony. She pulled off her harness, unbinding the elbow piece before throwing it on the couch that stood across from the bed, her arm bracer and corset came next. Picking up a lose tank she left on the bed to put on before crawling into bed, kicking off her boots as she curled under the blankets. She had been tired a lot as of recent, nightmares plagued her mind, not only of the usual darkspawn. Her nightmares had become too much, causing herself to miss sleep some nights because of how much they shook her. Even when she awoke, she still felt watched. Her arms wrapped around one of the two pillows, pushing it against her chest as she succumbed to her tiredness.


	4. moving

I AM **OFFICIALLY MOVING** TO MY **AO3 ACCOUNT** (**_SooraLavellen_**) IS JUST TOO ANNOYING NOW. I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE, IT'S JUST TOO MUCH OF A HASILE. HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL ON MY AO3 ACCOUNT! MUCH LOVE!

**~ VanguardShepard-Commander / SooraLavellan / CommanderLavellan ~**


End file.
